Week 35: Downward Spiral

Seems like every week is challenging but this time I really mean it! I was able to get back to swimming, finally got my bike back from the shop and was ready to get back on track (hi? 40 days?) and then my life fell apart. Shit.

Monday - Rest
And when I say rest, I mean rest. I called in sick because I was feeling sick. And when I say sick, I mean hungover from my Sunday night of 3 hours of karaoke and boozing it up. Was in bed by 10pm but was still a wreck the next day. I have the bruises to prove it.

Tuesday - Bonus Rest
No training today for me. Felt like I was getting sick as that sore throat that came about last Friday reappeared. Tho, it might've been from singing three hours straight on Sunday. The day started out alright and then halfway through I learned of some devastating news. Something inside me definitely shut down, broke apart and then started clanging around my body (that's a metaphor, people). Tried not to cry the whole rest of the day at my desk til I left to go pick up my bike in Redwood City. Called my mom on the way down there and cried on 280 for about 10 miles. Got to the bike shop and the owner, Bob, was like, sooooo, we didn't really know what to do with your bike. You wanted the basic tune up right? No. You wanted the aerobars taken off? No. Sigh. Apparently, even tho I specifically went over everything when I dropped off my bike, no one wrote it down and then no one could even CALL ME when they realized that they didn't know what to do. Complained that I drove all the way down there from the city and that I need my bike BY FRIDAY. Went back home and cried all the way back. Came home and self-medicated with a Tylenol PM and fell asleep (hey at least it's not pot or heroin or alcohol).

Wednesday - Track
Managed to get out of bed and go to work. Very, very sad but functioning relatively well. Was gonna go pick up lunch when my boss called me into her office and unceremoniously told me that they were eliminating my position.

"......."

What?!?! And as I sat there in shock. IN SHOCK. I was simultaneously very sad and relieved. Very sad because I loved this job so much. It was the first job in a long time where I actually wanted to get up and go to. I loved the people, loved the work (well some of it) and was hoping to stay there a long time and actually have a career. But I was also relieved because of what happened on Tuesday made me want to totally check out and finally FINALLY get. the. fuck. out of San Francisco. (there is only so much a girl can take) Of course the only thing keeping me here was what I thought I had prior to Tuesday, and of course, my job. Now with both of those things gone, it started to look like I was free. And because I am an Aries and self-centered, I thought I was the only one getting laid off. Turns out about 13 of us were unlucky today. Again very said, very disorienting and very unbelieveable.

Filed for unemployment before I left the office.

My Peanut Butter M&M's Randomly Matched My Unemployment Paperwork

Then I went to the dentist. Called my mom on the way there and was like, soooo, I thought it couldn't get worse... (and I said, things could be worse and I waited and sure enough, they were!) Cried all the way to the dentist.

Wasn't going to go to track but figured it was a lot better to be running around for an hour then sitting at home crying.

Thursday - Um yeah
Actually, today wasn't that bad because I had plans. I had things to do. Went to the chiropractor at 8:30am. Once again Dr. Rabbetz was the fucking shit! As I sat there crying in his office and batting tissues out of his hand (I don't need tissues!) He told me that I always had a home there and that he would take care of me regardless. Awww. I *heart* Dr. Rabbetz so much. He is just so amazing. Then Jez came in and said, I see you're on my books for later! Two weeks ago I finally made a massage appointment with Jez and even though I can't really afford it now, I knew I needed to keep that appointment for my sanity. Jez worked me over then Rabbetz came in and adjusted me and then I cried on the way out.

Met Lyne for coffee at Atlas Cafe. Haven't seen her in a while and it was so good to do so. Then I went to pick up my bike in Redwood City. Of course, they still screwed up the order. When I dropped the bike off with them the Thursday before I said, install the aerobars and wrap them with this shiny blue tape I am providing you. When they rolled the bike out a week later they had rewrapped my entire handle bars in the shiny blue tape and wrapped the aerobars in black. BOB! I yelled. And then I just sighed loudly. "Sigh, I wanted the aerobars wrapped in blue. The handle bars just got wrapped less than 6 months ago and YOU DID IT!" Bob said they would rewrap in black for me while I waited but I decided no, since I secretly thought the blue looked kick ass! Then as Bob was leaving me with the register guy he was like, you're all set. And I was like what? He decided not to charge me because of all the trouble. I walked out of there with a tune up, cleaning, new brake pads, aerobars installed, handle bars wrapped, a package of black tape and shoe cleats...for free! Couldn't have come at a better time. The receipt said: You saved $92 at Go Ride! You bet your ass I did. (but only later did I notice that they didn't install the aerobars right....)

New Tape On My Bars

Then I had a massage and Jez was awesome. He totally did me right even though I tried not to cry the whole time. At the end he said, It will get better...you always have us. Awww.

Went to dinner with Ian.

Friday - Swim
Today was harder because I had less plans. Did some interneting until 11am and then went to swim. Russian lifeguard was all, where have YOU been? Cut the workout short since it was my first time in the pool. Did my marker set tho and added half a lap to my 30 minute time.

Decided to get a bikini wax as my last "splurge." Then my teammate Doug picked me up and we grabbed a quick burger and went to see Iron Man. That movie KICKS ASS. It was so good.

Saturday - Bike
Drove down to Santa Cruz to ride with Deb and her friend Marin. On the schedule we were slated for 85 miles. The plan was to bike north on Route 1 for 40 miles then turn around and do an extra 5 somewhere close to the end. Deb's uncle lives down there and his house is amazing, complete with a Maserati in the drive. We got ready and headed out around 9:45am. Our goal was to make it to Pescadero which we thought was about 35 miles up the coast, but turned out to be only 33. The day was really beautiful and it is always so cool to be riding with cliffs and farms to your right and the ocean to your left. Just amazing. What was not amazing was the INSANE headwind. And crosswinds. I went down a hill at 13 mph, that I easily could've broken 25 mph on, partly because the crosswind was so dangerous and partly because the headwind was slowing me down that much. Boy was I glad I had my aerobars! Route 1 was a perfect first ride to try them out on since there are long stretches of flats or flats with a slight incline. I felt noticeably faster. All in all, it took us 2:30 to go the 33 miles. On the way back? Hello tailwind! We did the 33 miles in 1:30! Can you believe that? We took an hour off the time. That is amazing. By the end we were so exhausted. We were all just sitting in Deb's aunt's kitchen shoving food into our faces and zoning out. Then we hopped in the pool and then the hot tub. I took a shower, had some more food and headed home around 5pm. At home I just vegged on my couch to Word Play and ate mini powdered donuts.

Sunday - Unofficial Rest Day
So exhuasted from Saturday that there is no way I am doing anything. Today is Escape From Alcatraz and I feel super bad that I am not out there supporting my teammates who are racing. Honestly tho? I couldn't get out of bed. Today we also have our team BBQ which I am looking forward to since I am all about free food now. Ok, I was never NOT into free food but now it's more relevant. heh. I am supposed to be running like 15 miles or something but, eh. Next weekend I'll have to run 18. But here is the thing. When I have to do it, I'll just do it. I know that I can. I mean, I have never run 18 miles before but how hard can it be?

Week Ahead
Stop spending money like I am going to get a paycheck
Send out final fundraising letter - my deadline is the end of the month
Be thankful for what I do have
Start training during the day - I am semi-pro now!
Really clean my house, and I mean REALLY
Get a library card
Prepare for next weekend in Clearlake (3/4 ironman training weekend!)
Figure out what I can sell
Figure out how to make extra money without stepping into an office
Start praying/meditating for direction