Week 25: On a Work Trip

This week I was on a trip to the Caribbean with work. I had every intention of training and even managed to run in Ft. Lauderdale the morning before we left. I wanted to run for an hour but only made it 40 minutes as the humidity and heat at 9am kicked-my-ass. I became nauseous while waiting for a walk signal. What tha? Because I work such long hours on the trip, I decided it was better to remain well rested and healthy, rather than wear myself out with training AND working 14 hour days.

Friday
Woke up at 2:45am to get ready for my 6am flight. I know, barbaric. But I really wanted to get into Florida early and have an afternoon to myself and relax rather than get in at 9pm and have to go right to bed. Nice thought, however I was such a mess when I got there it hardly seemed worth it. Went to dinner with Courtney, Christina, Megan and Elektra. Not sure how I stayed awake. Went back to the hotel and crashed.

Saturday
Got up and ran and died (see above). Came back to the hotel and chowed and shopped at the mall next door. I have two pairs of the same jeans except one is a smaller size and I accidentally packed that pair. I needed some jeans that I could actually sit down in. Hello Gap! Later that afternoon we had a staff meeting and then a welcome party for our guests. I can’t tell you how awesome it is to be able to go outside without a sweater and actually stay out there and enjoy it for any period of time. Did some perfunctory dancing. Not really into it. Megan and I hung out afterwards on Jen Mac’s balcony and watched the few remaining (drunk) guests hold on to the party.

Looking down at the Welcome Party

Megan and Elektra

Sunday – Embarkation Day
I headed over to the port with our travel staff for early embarkation which means that we get walked onto the ship by Holland America staff AND that I could bring my luggage with me and have it delivered to my stateroom on board right then. If I embarked with the guests I wouldn’t be getting my bags til after 3pm as with a regular check-in process all the luggage gets loaded on the ship and then delivered. It’s always some form of organized chaos getting on board but we finally did. Checked out our staff room and started the crazy, crazy day of inventorying our boxes, sorting out cabin deliveries, meeting with the ships staff, finalizing the second day program, learning the ship and getting myself settled.

In my stateroom

Of course the bonus of the whole trip was that Heart was our headliner! SO STOKED. I haven’t seen Heart in about, oh, YIKES! Probably 15 years. Oy. I still love them so much and in fact, when the office announced that Heart was going to be on this trip I sucked it up and sang Barracuda at a work Karaoke party to show my dedication to the band. Luckily for me everyone was drunk so everyone remembers me sounding really awesome. Heh. I thought the show was amazing aside from some times feeling that Ann Wilson was “phoning it in” and also being really disappointed in her choice of footwear. Hello? White running shows with an all black velvet and spandex ensemble? What the hell Ann!?!? I also, sneakily, decided at the last minute to bring a 45 inch LP cover for them to sign. My girl, Jen Mac, hooked-me-up.

After the whole day I crashed hard and slept so good to the gentle rocking of the ms Westerdam.

Monday – At Sea
At sea days are really crazy because about 1700 people are trapped on a boat and want to be entertained. Lot’s of programming and running around making sure everything is where it’s supposed to be while maintaining a smile on my face and engaging everyone in conversation. DON’T LAUGH. I know about half of you are like, wait? Doesn’t she hate people? Well, yes but, you know. I can turn on the love when I need to. THANK GOD I had my own cabin to recharge in.

A standard schedule for me on these trips consists of the following:
Wake up and have breakfast in my room
Go to the internal travel team meeting
Attend full staff meeting
Meet with ships staff
(when at sea) run around and be crazy all day
(when at port) get off the ship and see/do things
Lunch
Nap
Dinner
Show
Disco

Of course there are always last minute crisis to solve in there too. I think today I realized that our Cruise Director is hot. Well, they’re all so dashing and handsome anyways, but dude, HOT. I totally had to ignore it though since a) I’m working and b) I’m probably about 10 years older than him. La la la, la la LA LA LA. Fuuuuuuck.

Tuesday – Cozumel
Dude, we’re in Mexico! (kind of). Courtney and Christina invited me to join them for a day of riding around the island on a scooter. Fun! Nevermind that we were totally getting scammed. It’s forty dollars. Wait, now it’s fifty with tax. Oh yeah, walk over there to that gate with the banana tree. Well, I don’t know about you but banana trees don’t grow in Boston so I had no idea what the hell he was talking about. No worries. We found our scooters and were good to go. Did I mention I’ve never ridden a scooter? The rental guy was like, um…can you take a test drive around this vacant lot before you go? Next thing you know I was speed racer. I want one! We drove around for a few hours and then hit a beach side bar/restaurant and had a beverage and tasty snack.

Christina, Hez and Courtney

Estrogens!

Hez and Christina in Cozumel

Wednesday – Grand Cayman
I’ve always had a fascination with the Cayman Islands so was stoked to be able to go to them! They just seemed so tropical and different in my head I guess. When I got there tho, I was totally grossed out with the disgusting tourism. It’s like the same 5 beach and diamond shops and (shame on you Jimmy Buffet!) the chain restaurant, Margaritaville. WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?! I didn’t really have much planned and had gone onto the island alone, which made me kind of shy. Plus I was getting a massage at 3pm (ohhh the dichotomy!) so I just walked around. It was kinda boring. I stopped in at a little church to pray for a man of integrity and who is open to receiving and giving love and almost threw up when “…wasted away again in margaritaville” wafted in on the breeze. Aren’t we gross enough already that we have to destroy a tropical paradise with Jimmy-Fucking-Buffet!?!?! Sigh.

Praying Hard on Grand Cayman

Went and got my massage. I shoulda saved my money. Maybe I am just spoiled by Jez, my awesome sports massage guy. He always has “feeling” behind it. Or energy. I feel like he is drawing from a space deep within himself to heal me…I mean he made me cry fer crissakes just by touching me! Rodica, my massage lady on the ship, was nothing like that. It was like her touch was just doink doink doink. Nothing there. Then she says, “you have lost a lot of weight recently?

Yes.
“Now you have to work on getting rid of your cellulite.”
Um, I don’t have cellulite.
“Yes you do!” And then she grabbed a chunk of my side and jiggled it around.

OH MY GOD. Is she crazy? So then I kindly pointed out that I do not have cellulite there and that maybe yes, I have one patch of it on my butt and then another patch on the top of my right thigh. She then launched into this whole thing about how I need to burn the fat to get rid of it and bladiddy blah blah. Dude, Hi? Ironman? Hi? Almost a personal trainer?

Then she says, “You will have to go back and tell your partner about your trip.” And I say, oh, I’m not gay. She was very surprised by that. Hahaha. Then she asked me how old I was. Then she says, “So if you are not gay where is your husband?”

Um.

So, ok, I DID cry at this massage session but not because of some other worldly energy exchange, but because now I am suddenly riddled with cellulite and an old maid because I am not married at 37. WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?

Thursday – At Sea
This at sea day wasn’t as busy as the first one. I did, however, start to hang out with the most awesome woman. She is a new addition to our external volunteer staff and just totally awesome. Her name is Melissa and she lives in New York and that is why I love her. I cannot tell you how absolutely refreshing it is to be my normal, people hating, East Coast self and to be completely understood. In San Francisco I could never do that. NEVER. I have to sensor myself all the time. I really can’t even give you an example but in SF if there is any inkling that I don’t like someone people get really weird about it. They start saying things like, “way to not hold back” or “gee you’re telling it like it is” or they just don't understanding that not everyone blows rainbows out their ass.

ANYWAYS

MelSil is my new best friend and our minds are a zen-like “one” and we didn’t even have to finish sentences. Basic grunts and facial expressions were completely understood and agreed with. Check out her blog because not only is she unapologetic about what she likes and believes in, she is actually trying to make a difference. Hi? Activist? Favorite exchange of the trip:

Hez: wow Mel, you’re so politically active! I just don’t really care about people that much
Mel: (looks at me like, duuuude) Oh, I don’t like people…but ya gotta DO something.

Hahahah. LOVE HER because the best part of this is that when I said I didn’t really care about people she didn’t even flinch OR have some weirdo SF hippy moment.

Tonight was my shinning moment as coordinator of the White Party With A Splash Of Pink. Oh? Did I mention that on this cruise we were raising money for breast cancer research and awareness? That’s what the splash of pink is all about. We raised over $100,000 with a walk and an auction. Yeah! Danced the night away way too long and drank too many pink drinks and almost drunk dialed the cutey Cruise Director on my ship cell phone. That woulda been B-A-D (but totally funny!).

Friday - Grand Turk
Nothing to do here but lay on a beach. Awwww yeah! Met MelSil on the beach and we hung out for 3 hours. Came back to the ship and was so exhausted. Ran around and did some stuff then snuck in an hour nap before dinner.

Hez on Grand Turk

Saturday – Half Moon Cay
Holland America owns an island in the Bahamas, or they lease it or something and it’s awesome. The place is too good to be true. The beaches are too fine and white, the water is too clear and turquoise blue. But it kicked ass! Was on the beach for 5 hours. And I have the sun burn to prove it. Had our farewell staff party, dealt with some last minute crisis’ and got ready to go home.

Hez and Mel

More pictures to come.