Week 22 - The Disappearing Appetite

This week proved challenging for me on a very different level. It seems that I've lost my appetite. Maybe it's because my sports nutritionist took away wheat and dairy from my diet and nothing seems appealing. I also had extremely low energy and was wiped out at the end of each work day. Like, literally cannot keep my eyes open, head on the desk type of wiped out, followed by a pretty serious melancholy. I also experienced my first regret since canceling cable about a month ago. Without TV I have to come home and actually*DO* stuff. The fatigue this week made me just want to go home and veg out on the couch to bad TV. Sigh. I came home most nights, cranked the heated mattress pad, set up my lap top in bed with me and got down to the business of being depressed while streaming reality TV shows. Heh.

Me and Yi from last week at Aquatic Park

I'm in there!

Monday - Rest Day
This was sports nutritionist appointment day. On one hand, I love learning about my body and what it's doing. On the other hand, they could literally tell me anything and prescribe the next $50 supplement and I really have no way of knowing if my body is experiencing inflammation at a cellular level. Starting to get slightly annoyed at all the money I am shelling out especially since it's preventing me from actually being able to afford the food they want me to eat. It's a double edged sword, people. Fessed up that I have been resorting to the old standards to make me feel better i.e. chocolate and diet soda. Dr. Scott tried a little word association "technique" to find out why I go to chocolate. Why I resort to it to make me feel better. He repeated the word over and over again for about 45 seconds and I had to answer one or two words each time. Chocolate: good. Chocolate: calm. Chocolate: texture. Chocolate: goodness. Chocolate: chocolate glazed donuts. Chocolate: dark. Chocolate: overbearing mother....WHOA! Sigh.

Tuesday - Swim
Back at the loverly Garfield Pool, I had a pretty good swim. Today I had another swim marker set. About 30 minutes of warming up and then a lap count in 30 minutes. Last month I managed 44 laps, so naturally I had to beat that. I used my tempo trainer and set it a bit faster than usual (123 beats per minute). At the 15 minute mark I was WAY over in laps, like about 25 laps in 15 minutes. I was also swimming too fast of a pace for me to keep up much longer so I increased the tempo to just ONE BEAT higher and then suddenly I have 29 minutes left and am just starting my 44th lap and I see my new higher lapage number out of my reach. Sigh. Totaled 44.25 laps. Note to self: start out the marker set slower and then crank it up. Gah! And just a reminder, I swim in a 100 ft pool so if I was in a regular size pool I would've swum 58.5 laps in 30 minutes and that is about 300 yards short of a mile. (I thought that last realization would cheer me up but it's killing me that I didn't even swim a mile - double GAH!).

After my swim workout I had a chiropractor appointment. I'm going about every 10-14 days now and when that appointment rolls around I cannot wait to get in there because I can tell how rotated and uneven I am. Jez, the most awesomest massage guy, came in to work on my psoas, which they assessed was tight, even tho it really wasn't bothering me. Despite the crappy swim marker, I was actually having a great morning - having run into Mai at the pool and it being sunny and all, and then Jez put his hand on my psoas. I just can't explain it but it feels weird and usually I can suck it up and power through it with deep breathing and thinking of other things besides some guy massaging a muscle deep inside my body that is just inches from my "canary." However, this day...I just don't know what happened. One minute I was like, it feels weird and the next minute I was sobbing uncontrollably. Dr. Rabbetz walked in, took one look at the tears streaming down my face and ran and got tissues. They both told me that that area, the pelvic-y area, is like an emotional warehouse. Where we store lots of emotions. After Jez left, Rabbetz asked me, aside from training, how everything is going in my life. To which I replied, oh it's normal aka sucking. The rest of the day I was melancholy and weepy. That night after work I got in bed at 6:30 pm and moped around to MTVs Making the Band 4 on my lap top til I fell asleep without really eating.

Wednesday - Track
Was supposed to be a killer speed workout, which I was looking forward to...however when I got to the track there was a highschool track and field event going on so Coach Bobbie decided that we would do a run marker on the upper loop. Three laps equals a mile. We warmed up and then Yi and I ran about 7 laps in 30 minutes. Kind of disappointing since our last marker was on the main track and we did about 12 laps and I have no way of translating that since I suck at math and word problems. If Yi and Hez ran 12 laps in 30 minutes on the main track, and 4 laps on the main track equals a mile, what color are Hez's shoes? Yi and I ran into Phillip, the web captain of the spring tri-team, and he commented on how it looks like I lost half my body weight. I never tire of hearing things like that. Went home and *TRIED* to choke down some minestrone soup. Ate about 3/4 of the bowl and then ditched it.

Thursday - nada
My sports nutritionist figures that running track on Wednesday night and then getting up at 5:30am-ish to swim is not enough recovery time for me which may be compromising my immune system and causing me to get sick every 3 weeks. This week I was supposed to go all out at track and then do the swim on Thursday but when I woke up I was like, eh, and then got back in bed. I'll do it next week. Today at work Kathy commented that my butt was disappearing in my jeans and someone else commented on how my jeans looked really big. That night I came home and had a potato for dinner and fell asleep by 8pm.

Friday - nada
Was gonna go to the gym and do some weights and core, you know, before that membership I got almost a year ago and hardly use runs out. But decided to stay in bed longer. Ian and I went to see "There Will Be Blood..." after work. I wasn't attracted to this movie at all but it turned out to be good. Came home and went right to bed...no dinner.

Saturday - Run
I'm cursing Asics this morning because of what I can only call a design flaw. My new $135 Kayano-13 (or 14 or whatever they are) sneakers have a new piece of swoosh that hits right at my bunion and causes immense bone pain. I spent about 15 minutes trying to decide which was gonna be worse, wearing my new shoes where I could possibly have pain at every step? Or wearing my old shoes where I might be ok for the run but would undoubtedly have pain towards the end, later that day or the next day due to how worn out they were. Hmmm. I decided on pain later on and went with the old shoes. I also measured my body and was kind of shocked to see that since January 30th I have lost 2.5 inches from everywhere on my body (except arms). Chest, waist, hips and thighs. It's weird. I am so stoked about losing this weight and inches but it's also kind of freaking me out.

I met Yi at the monkey bars near Fort Mason and we set off on our 11.5 mile run. We ran all the way over the bridge and this time all the way down into Saulsalito but needed to turn around before we hit the town. We checked out an apartment that was having an open house and then walked back up the big hill to the bridge. I ate a gel and immediately regretted it. It caused me to feel emotionally weird. It sounds so stupid. But right after I ate it, I felt uneasy, unfulfilled and like I wasn't supposed to be there and my heart was racing. Yi thought I was high. I just felt so odd. Could it be my gut trying to digest the long chain carbohydrates? Sigh. Ran back up to the bridge and before I hit the bathroom I commented to Yi how I sure didn't feel like I just ran 8 miles. Famous last words...that last 3 miles or so were so hard for me. My heart was still racing and I couldn't keep up with Yi. I slowed it down a bit and did some "mental biting of the tongue" and powered through. Then we were done...by 11am...yay!

I came home. Was not hungry at all. Actually had some "digestive" issues with chills and all and decided to crank the heated mattress pad and get back in bed. Choked down some toast. Then got in bed and stayed there for the next SIX AND A HALF HOURS. Luckily I had 2 discs of Freaks and Geeks to watch and that was that.

At around 4pm, Ian called. I had asked Ian to go to a party with me that night and as soon as I answered I was like, I'm not going. I can't deal with people. He said he didn't want to go either and that he woke up at 6am and stayed in bed til 2pm. I was like, I did too! Except I had to run for 2 hours in between when I woke up and when I got back in bed. I swear, I am like the laziest most active person. Heh. Then we convinced each other to suck it up and just go to the party.

At that point I realized I still had about 900 calories to consume before the day was out and I panicked and cooked up some salmon and couscous. Choked it down and then felt gross the rest of the night. Stayed about 1 hour at the party and came home. Passed out.

Sunday - 5 hour workout extravaganza

Time change and all, woke up at 5:45, which was actually 4:45. Got ready with all my bottles of fluid and nutrition and then headed off to pick up Yi.

Bottles o' Nutrition - it's like having a baby

Then we drove out to Lake Merced to meet the team where we proceeded to spin for one hour in the parking lot, run ten minutes, ride our bikes for one hour, run for ten minutes, spin for one hour, run for ten minutes, ride our bikes for an hour, run for ten minutes and then DONE! Um yeah, so I burned about 3200 calories today. The workout itself wasn't so hard. I mean, it was beautiful out and warm-ish and I kicked ass on the bike and I felt pretty good. Came home and still did not feel like eating. Made a giant bowl of spaghetti with sauce and felt pretty good eating it. Then realized that I somehow have to eat another 1600 calories before the day is out...with no appetite...and it seemed a little overwhelming. Well actually all I want is diet coke and mini powdered donuts which are both a huge no-no on my regimen. (ok so spaghetti is not allowed right now either but honestly, if nothing is appealing to me now except friggin' spaghetti...well, I'm gonna eat it.) Settled for just the diet coke and a mini loaf of french bread. So much for no wheat. :)

But! One thing to remember is why I am here. It's to cure cancer and I was reminded of that this week when thanking one of my boss' for her donation. She said, "ride for my partner's dad who died two and a half years ago of acute leukemia, ok? It's awesome that you are doing this!" Fred Raymont, this is for you! And because cancer sucks no matter what kind it is, I'll also be racing for her mom who died of lung cancer 3 years ago.

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